The Metropolitan Police in the UK has sparked controversy with its unconventional advice to Nigerian wives living in the country.
UK police urged Nigerian wives to handle marital disputes amicably and with love during a church service at the International Church of the Divine Restoration in Camberwell, London, on Sunday.
The advice issued by UK police in a two-minute-and-twenty-second viral video obtained by PREMIUM TIMES on Tuesday sparked online debate.
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The advice comes amid recent reports of Nigerian wives in the UK reporting their husbands to the police for a range of reasons including domestic violence, child abuse, criminal activity and cultural misunderstandings.
Speaking fluent Yoruba, the policeman, believed to be Nigerian and supported by his colleagues, urged women to avoid being negatively influenced by society.
The police officer said: “We all pray that we never see the graveyards of our children; Nigerians have always prayed to leave children behind, but today it seems the opposite is happening. We must change our mindset, especially women who feel that their husbands are not important. They should go back to their roots. You see, that man (husband), even if he doesn’t contribute much, just being at home sometimes makes a difference. As a woman, there are times when you may want to talk to your son, and he may not listen to you, but he will listen to his father.
“But if you are a single mother, the child may not obey you. However, when the father says ‘enough’, the child obeys. Even if the man does not do much, he tries as much as possible to manage. Although there is little room for management, sometimes it matters how we build our homes. Some women feel that men are insignificant because of the circumstances we are in. We are here because we want to help people in Nigeria, but if you look at some of them in your country, they look better than you, and don’t think that if you don’t send them money, you will die. Please take care of your husband.”
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Police also urged women to prioritise their homes and not allow societal influences to undermine their marriages.
“Women, think about your homes. If you allow the society we live in to corrupt us, it will become a problem. We have to work together and make it work. We, the police, are here to help you; we are not your enemies, but your friends. If you have any problems, discuss them with us and we can give you advice,” the policewoman said.
Fundamental reason
Analysing the trending video on TVC's Journalists' Hangout, Mayor Akinpelu, editor of Global Excellence magazine, said peer influence is a significant factor in the growing trend of “women using the police to evict their husbands from home.”
She also noted that this phenomenon is becoming increasingly common in Europe and America due to the growing empowerment of women in the regions.
“They think that, especially when there are children involved, the woman is better able to take care of them. So they give up all the privileges against the man. It is worse in America than in the UK. When you come to London, or when you come to the UK, you realise that there are a lot of single mothers; the reason is that when you have a problem with your husband, you can call the police.
“The police tell the husband to leave home and then the woman starts collecting government benefits to take care of the children. Sometimes, it is even better for a woman not to have a husband because he gets paid a lot of money for each child, and even if she has a child with health problems, maybe Down syndrome or something like that, she gets paid more money. So that is part of the problem,” she said.
Mr Akinpelu also said the UK system is biased against men, noting that this systematic bias has led to a significant number of Nigerian men being imprisoned.
She said: “A Nigerian man would leave America to go to his village in the Southeast to find a wife, believing that the woman is a new person and he doesn’t want to deal with American women because they won’t listen to him. So he takes the woman to America – maybe he’s a security guard trying to make ends meet, but he decides to send the woman to school. Most nursing schools and the medical profession in America are well paid, especially nurses. The woman graduates from nursing school and starts earning more than the man.
“And then when the woman starts attending these cultural associations, maybe Nigerian associations from this or that state, they meet other women. They say, this is America. Don’t let any man tell you anything. This is America. You have every right in this country. And that’s how it works. So when they have problems or issues at any time, the woman calls the police. The police come and say that no matter what happens, they will ask the man to leave before they investigate anything. If couples have problems, they ask the man to leave first.”
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According to him, despite the eviction, men are still responsible for household expenses, while women receive financial support from the government.
“When the man leaves the house, if things get serious, the woman can report that he is harassing her. The man will be given a restraining order so that he does not stay within a few kilometres of the property.
Meanwhile, the man will continue to pay the mortgage on the house from which he was sent. So there comes a time when the man gets frustrated and simply kills the woman. It happens a lot in America. The man simply gets frustrated and kills the woman. But what I want to say is that Nigerian women in Europe and America should know that no matter how long they stay there or carry passports from those places, they are not from there.
“Women should look at Nigerian culture and how we do things. I am not saying that marriage is perfect in Nigeria, but we have mechanisms to resolve differences between couples. If there is a problem between couples, their relatives will come and try to convince them and all that.”